Have you ever held yourself back due to stomach churning fear? Heights generally do it for me. Once, I got the notion to test this fear. While on a scenic drive I notice a railing at the top of a bluff. I think how exquisite the scenery over the nearby river must be, and I take myself to the stairs. I begin to climb. Halfway through, I have to sit down. I wait a few minutes or maybe even just seconds and begin the ascent again. I get to the top, and I see the brim as I draw nearer. I am almost to the point of witnessing how breath-taking this view truly is. What do I do, but drop to my hands and knees. All I can see is my body being hurled over the edge. What kind of lunatic thinks like that? Well, me. I never made it to the edge, and I never experienced the splendor that was only yards away.
Now, here I am in what feels like a very similar situation starting this blog. Those feelings of my body being hurled over a precipice come rushing back to me. I cannot do this! I tell myself this for weeks. Occasionally, I tell myself I can in fact do this! I imagine the immense potential to be held in this very endeavor. Then, I go to actually do it and I can’t move. I’m scared. I’m scared to get hurt, to be vulnerable, to be wrong. Suddenly I am presented with a thought of question, “How will I ever help anyone else if I’m scared of my own fate? How do I lead others out of fear and into love and grace? I have to jump anyways. Jump. Just jump. Do I not know who goes before me?” Upon this thought provoking question, an inkling of something I previously read flickers in my mind. The inkling came from a story in the Bible, specifically from the book of Isaiah. It reads as follows.
Isaiah 40:31 But those who hope in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Therefore, here I am giving a bit of myself to you. Piece by piece, I will unfold portions of my life to emphasize how God has come alongside me and carried me through all the troubled waters which have tried to keep my heart and mind captive to fear. Fear will I no longer allow to suffocate me, for my hope is in God!